HOW TO FAIL AT AOM
Using Units
A guide by gummyWorm
INTRODUCTION
Hello, and welcome back to the latest edition of HOW TO FAIL AT AOM! I'm gummyWorm, the creator of this guide. This guide was created with special people in mind...
Say friends, do you fall into one of the following categories?
- Try to be a general n00b on ESO so you can waste other's time
- Are naive
- Your ESO rating goal is 1400
If you fell into ANY category, you could benifit from this guide! It was created solely with the intent of screwing up your game as much as possible, and I hope it meets your expectations. A few things to keep in mind...
- This guide will NOT help your game unless you do the opposite of what it says.
- This guide will in NO way increase your ESO rate if you follow it to the letter.
- This guide will NOT make you any more popular on ESO.
This guide was created with failure in mind, so if you can't win, then lose! That's the logic behind this guide.
SPEARMAN INFORMATION: The spearman is eggy's bread-and-butter unit. Incorporated into militaries it is UNMATCHED! USAGE: The spearman loves to go head-to-head, one-on-one, or in general attack the following units... - HYPASPISTS Also worth a mention is Throwing Axemen, spearmen love to attack them! On the other hand, the spearmen say "me no like..." - HIPPIKON In other words, keep these Pointy Poker People away from cavalry! AXEMEN INFORMATION: It's a chop chop chop with the choppers of chopping (though not really helicopters). They put the AXE in accident! USAGE: Please take one pill per... actually, Axemen are suited to attacking archers. Axemen do not enjoy attacking spearmen, hoplites, kapeltes, or huskarls, so keep them away from them. In the immortal words of John Hinter... actually, I have no clue who that is so we'll now move on to the slinger. SLINGER IFORMATION: Sticks and Stones will break your bones, regardless of what words do. Slingers make that literal as they bash, don't slash OR clash their way through armies. Come to think of it they don't bash either... USAGE: Slingers are cool enough, but realize they are best suited to beating the snot out of cavalry. Just remember to keep 'em away from inf. and you'll be fine! CAMELRY INFORMATION: They're lean! They're mean! They're a saliva spittin' machine! These humpbacked horrors are there to whip your foes into shape in a relatively quick manner, while trying not to die! USAGE: Camelry can be quickly killed by the tricky triumphs of ranged foes (archers make short work of their furry butts), but do well versus troops such as kapeltes or hoplites. Good luck! WAR ELEPHANT INFORMATION: Stomping in to the rank of myth unit killer is the tough elephant. He'll crush them good, and none can pass his killer trunk. Just remember: if an elephant has two trunks he's going on vacation. USAGE: Elephants are there to dispatch MUs. That simple. But remember: don't use them against buildings. The only people who'd do that are those psychos who actually play this game in an effort to win!! CHARIOT ARCHER INFORMATION: Fast! The backbone on any army could very easily break YOUR backbone if you get in their way. They mean business, and if their business was law you'd be bigtime sued! USAGE: Fight Fire with Fire, and horses with horses! Use against cavalry. Don't use against inf, even though it would help, doing so would give you bad karma. PRIEST INFORMATION: Woo-loo-looing into the next spot in the eggy list is the priest. He may be religious, but he won't hesitate to throw rocks at you! And if you are an MU, you gotta deal with SHINY pebbles! The horror! USAGE: Use against any human unit. But beware the MUs: hit them and your asking for it! MERCENARY INFORMATION: He's fast! He won't last! He's got gas! He's a mercenary, and theu'll show you the works, but they aint gonna get you a pizza with "the works." They're gonna have you yellin' "Mama Mia!" USAGE: You can do whatever with them, but I would strongly advise waiting a minute or two after you buy them before sending them into combat before using. Then they can use those "DEADLY-ENHANCEMENT" steriod pills that'll kill 'em in seconds! (gummyWorm does not approve of steriods: this unit gives me some good opinion support as well!) There's a myth going around about Myth Units, they're lean mean fighting machines! Here's two important ones... ANUBITE INFORMATION: Slash! That's the sound of an Anubite ripping your flesh! They hop, skip, and slash until you want to puke! The females don't jump: if they did you could see up their skirt! USAGE: Jump over walls! These MUs will make short work of the pharaoh or priests, mayber Heseirs and in general any hero, but fall to axemen and spearmen. Or any human unit for that matter. SCARAB INFORMATION: AUUG! A BUG! These tough bugs will make your life full of woe if you don't dispatch them quickly: exterminator is to roach as scarab is to people!!! Gulp! USAGE: These beetly scarabs will take down human units. But beware Vs. buildings: attack a building with the scarab and you're asking for it! I ought to mention that scarabs are good raiders! END OF EGYPTIAN PART (UNTIL ADD-ONS) Dear Reader: You've finished reading the guide! But, I must inform you that while you have finished reading the guide, I haven't finished writing it! Expect more to be added as time goes on. Please do Create a new segment to this guide OR replicate (AKA copy) this guide to another public place without my permission. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!
The Eggies are chock-full of interesting units, but you've got to know how to not use them if you want to lose. That's what this guide is for. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
Type: Pointy Poker People
Build At: Barracks
Age: Classical and up
Gay: Probably
- AXEMEN
- FANATICS
- ARCHERS
- PROTODOMOS
- RAIDING CALV.
- TURMAE
- CAMELS
Type: Tree Taker-Downers
Build At: Yo Momma! (*ahem* Barracks)
Age: 26 years... er, Classical and Up.
Are They Really Macho: Without the axe they are wimps
Type: Sticks 'n Stones
Build At: That one barracks thingy
Age: Classical Music, er, age, and up.
Girl or Boy: Asexual
Type: A Larger Llama
Build At: The Midgol Hotel, I mean, stronghold
Age: Age of Heroes, er, Heroic and Up.
Did Microsoft Recycle model from Zoo Tycoon: Likely
Type: Grey Giants
Build At: Migdol Weakdrop
Age: The one with the "H"
See above question: Likely
Type: Archers on WHEELS
Build At: That one Migdol, Midgol, Golmid thing
Age: HEROIC!
Do they Know Algebra: Unlikely
Type: Old Religious Guy said to be Wise
Build at: TEMPLE!!!
Age: THE FIRST ONE!!
Is Woo-loo-loo Their Pathetic War Cry: Probably
Type: Quick-Relief
Build At: The Center of your Town
Age: I like lobster
Are they Zulu: Probably
Type: A Jumping Jackal named Jack
Build At: Le Temple
Age: Classical. If you pick Bast or Ptah U R OUT O LUCK!!!11!!1
Do they Use Leap Pad by LeapFrog: Probably
Type: Big Beetle
Build At: Buggy Temple
Age: Heroic
Do they Need to Lose Weight: Yes