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Age of Mythology Heaven » Forums » Halls of Valhalla » The "Joke Thread"
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Topic Subject:The "Joke Thread"
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Daveguy_700
Mortal
posted 02 March 2003 07:54 PM EDT (US)         
Okay i have seen a lot of pointless jokes that take up a whole topic. to stop the spamming and make the mods happy, let's tell all our jokes in this thread shall we?

Begin...now.


***Daveguy_700***
The Sword of Archon | Post your best jokes here! | Daveguy_700@hotmail.com | Proud member of the PW clan!
"If you choose a job you like, you do not have to work a day in your life" -umm...some...guy....
"Not all who wander are lost" -J.R.R. Tolkien

STUFF
AuthorReplies:
tedman333
Mortal
posted 02 March 2003 07:55 PM EDT (US)     1 / 210       
Hahaha ok here is my joke: ok so this guy walks in a bar. The End.
Good joke uh?

<><><><>Knight of the Old Code<><><><>
Winner of:The Kindest Forumer At AoMH.Thanks Lost_1n_Space!
Also I have been bestowed with the honor of:
The Kindest Crusader Award
Thank you Lady Arcola!

Stronghold Knights

[This message has been edited by tedman333 (edited 03-02-2003 @ 07:55 PM).]

Daveguy_700
Mortal
posted 02 March 2003 07:58 PM EDT (US)     2 / 210       
/\ ROTFLMBFAOLOL!

(Rolling on the floor laughing my big fat *** off laughing out loud)

Here's my joke:

A duck walks into a bar.

Duck: Got any grapes?

Bartender: No.

The duck leaves.
The duck comes back an hour later.

Duck: Got any grapes?

Bartender: No, i told you already.

Duck leaves.
Duck comes back 5 minutes later

Duck: Got any grapes?

Bartender: No, no, NO!!! If you come back one more time and ask for grapes i'm gonna nail your beak to the floor!!

Duck leaves.
Duck comes back 10 minutes later.

Duck: Got any nails?

Bartender: No.

Duck: Got any grapes?

LOL!


***Daveguy_700***
The Sword of Archon | Post your best jokes here! | Daveguy_700@hotmail.com | Proud member of the PW clan!
"If you choose a job you like, you do not have to work a day in your life" -umm...some...guy....
"Not all who wander are lost" -J.R.R. Tolkien

STUFF

[This message has been edited by Daveguy_700 (edited 03-02-2003 @ 08:04 PM).]

Zycat
Mortal
posted 02 March 2003 08:23 PM EDT (US)     3 / 210       
Proof that IRAQ has mass destructive weapons :
http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk /

(Note: Prone to errors! )


ESO : Heero_Yuy / Tonto_Zycat

[This message has been edited by Zycat (edited 03-02-2003 @ 08:23 PM).]

tedman333
Mortal
posted 02 March 2003 08:27 PM EDT (US)     4 / 210       
Did you get that from SWGB.Heaven??

<><><><>Knight of the Old Code<><><><>
Winner of:The Kindest Forumer At AoMH.Thanks Lost_1n_Space!
Also I have been bestowed with the honor of:
The Kindest Crusader Award
Thank you Lady Arcola!

Stronghold Knights
Maximus_
Mortal
posted 02 March 2003 08:29 PM EDT (US)     5 / 210       
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do? The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: OK, now what?"

or
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

or
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man. The man then replies: Yeah, well we were married 35 years.

ok im spent


\\ Maximus //
0=]============[=0
Amazing Persón Extróidinare
Msn/Email:Mrnobody010@hotmail.com
.°*˜Phantom Warriors˜*°.
˜*°.°*˜˜*°.°*˜
MC_HAWKING
Mortal
posted 02 March 2003 10:29 PM EDT (US)     6 / 210       
How many sexist men does it take to change a kitchen lightbulb?
-None let the b**** cook in the dark.


http://www.mchawking.com
"F*** the creationists"
tedman333
Mortal
posted 02 March 2003 10:33 PM EDT (US)     7 / 210       
Taht wasn't very funny. Sorry to say.

<><><><>Knight of the Old Code<><><><>
Winner of:The Kindest Forumer At AoMH.Thanks Lost_1n_Space!
Also I have been bestowed with the honor of:
The Kindest Crusader Award
Thank you Lady Arcola!

Stronghold Knights
ZBrisk
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 00:20 AM EDT (US)     8 / 210       

Quote:

Taht wasn't very funny. Sorry to say.


I know, Tahts aren't funny. HAHA GET IT?

That's ZBrisk, baby!
dark_berry_bush
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 00:25 AM EDT (US)     9 / 210       
Heres my joke:

There once was a CD-ROM. The End.

(c) 2003 dark_berry_bush. All rights reserved. If you wish to copy, reproduce or edit this joke you must first have written permission from the author. ISJN: 0000 0000 0001.

kF_Fella
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 03:41 AM EDT (US)     10 / 210       
LOL @ DBB

1234215
232323
11323241
243352
superdroideka
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 05:16 AM EDT (US)     11 / 210       
Why does the chicken cross the street?

To reach the other side!

tedman333
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 08:21 AM EDT (US)     12 / 210       
Wow that was like the coolest joke ever!!!

<><><><>Knight of the Old Code<><><><>
Winner of:The Kindest Forumer At AoMH.Thanks Lost_1n_Space!
Also I have been bestowed with the honor of:
The Kindest Crusader Award
Thank you Lady Arcola!

Stronghold Knights
dutchpower
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 10:39 AM EDT (US)     13 / 210       
ThorTheMighty and MistyMay are walking over a street. MistyMay: Can i walk in the middle?
^^^LOL^^^

-----------Dutchpower Out------------

Daveguy_700
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 07:57 PM EDT (US)     14 / 210       
One day, a old woman's husband died. She was so depressed, that she wanted to shoot herself in the heart. She didn't want to miss, so she called the doctor and asked him where the heart was. He said "It's right below the left breast."

An hour later, an ambulance took her to the hospital with a bullet wound in her left knee!


***Daveguy_700***
The Sword of Archon | Post your best jokes here! | Daveguy_700@hotmail.com | Proud member of the PW clan!
"If you choose a job you like, you do not have to work a day in your life" -umm...some...guy....
"Not all who wander are lost" -J.R.R. Tolkien

STUFF
Lost_1n_SpACe
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 08:30 PM EDT (US)     15 / 210       
thats not right

what do you call a boomberang that doesn't come back?

a stick.

how many teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

one, they just hold it in the socket while the world revolves around them


♥♣"What happens when I do this?"-Lost_1n_SpACe's epitaph
There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't
ESO: ANewBite
╖Wbτ
I got my award for THE KINDEST FORUMER AT AOMH
Member of the Phantom Warriors Clan

Daveguy_700
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 09:13 PM EDT (US)     16 / 210       
Actually, sometimes i feel like I revolve around the world...

***Daveguy_700***
The Sword of Archon | Post your best jokes here! | Daveguy_700@hotmail.com | Proud member of the PW clan!
"If you choose a job you like, you do not have to work a day in your life" -umm...some...guy....
"Not all who wander are lost" -J.R.R. Tolkien

STUFF
tedman333
Mortal
posted 03 March 2003 09:26 PM EDT (US)     17 / 210       
Sometimes I feel like I am the world. Well soo it sould happen.

<><><><>Knight of the Old Code<><><><>
Winner of:The Kindest Forumer At AoMH.Thanks Lost_1n_Space!
Also I have been bestowed with the honor of:
The Kindest Crusader Award
Thank you Lady Arcola!

Stronghold Knights
dark_berry_bush
Mortal
posted 04 March 2003 00:28 AM EDT (US)     18 / 210       
I control the world!

(c) 2003 dark_berry_bush. All rights reserved. If you wish to copy, reproduce or edit this joke you must first have written permission from the author. ISJN: 0000 0000 0002.

GoForGoldenJarls
Mortal
posted 04 March 2003 01:06 AM EDT (US)     19 / 210       
tedman, thats ALMOST like mine! and i thought mine was original! (i think he copied mine)

a guy walks into a bar. thats about it.


Psychic Ostrich
Mortal
posted 04 March 2003 11:47 AM EDT (US)     20 / 210       
Because of Forum Law, I can't say my jokes here

They are too rude and Racist. Most of them are about the Irish. But I can change the nationality depending on the person whos listening. They wouldn't work if they didn't insult someone

They are really funny though. And clever.

So, find me on MSN(ostrich_farmer@hotmail.com) and I will tell you my best ones.

The teenager one is great!

Daveguy_700
Mortal
posted 06 March 2003 09:47 PM EDT (US)     21 / 210       
okay, then people have to say CIVILIZED jokes.

*silence*

*crickets chirping*

ummm...


***Daveguy_700***
The Sword of Archon | Post your best jokes here! | Daveguy_700@hotmail.com | Proud member of the PW clan!
"If you choose a job you like, you do not have to work a day in your life" -umm...some...guy....
"Not all who wander are lost" -J.R.R. Tolkien

STUFF
INSANE Fanatic
Mortal
posted 07 March 2003 12:00 PM EDT (US)     22 / 210       
"Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? He caved in to peer pressure" - Gaurdian
____________________________________________________________

If I am you, and you are me...........who is he?
___________________________________________________________

An American, an Aussie and a Canadian are playing shots.

The Aussie drinks the beer, throws the glass into the air and shoots it.
"We have enough of those in our country."

The American throws both glass and beer into the air and shoots it.
"We have enough of those in our country."

The Canadian drinks the beer and puts the glass down on the table. Then he shoots the American.
"We have enough of those in our country."

[This message has been edited by INSANE Fanatic (edited 03-07-2003 @ 12:01 PM).]

Daveguy_700
Mortal
posted 07 March 2003 06:20 PM EDT (US)     23 / 210       
/\ LOL!!

Here's one:

Knock Knock!

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh-

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


***Daveguy_700***
The Sword of Archon | Post your best jokes here! | Daveguy_700@hotmail.com | Proud member of the PW clan!
"If you choose a job you like, you do not have to work a day in your life" -umm...some...guy....
"Not all who wander are lost" -J.R.R. Tolkien

STUFF
WilliamtheBloody
Mortal
posted 07 March 2003 06:54 PM EDT (US)     24 / 210       
Osama Bin Laden, Uncle Sam, and the (President?) of Canada find a magic lamp. They rub the magic lamp, and a genie comes out and says that he will grant each one of them a wish, making three wishes in total. The Canadian says "I wish for Canada to be fertile and that crops grow and mutiply tenfold".
So, the genie grants the Canadians wish. Then, he turns towards Osama bin Laden and asks him what he wishes for. Bin Laden says,"I wish for a wall that is 10 feet thick and 4 miles high to surround all of Afghanistan to keep in the Afghani people and keep all infidels out". The genie grants his wish and a HUGE wall forms itself around the borders of Afghanistan.
The genie turns towards Uncle Sam and says,"I am ready to grant the final wish. Think hard on what you want and give me your wish".
Uncle Sam looks at the genie thoughtfully, and looks at the wall surrounding Afghanistan. Several minutes pass and finally Uncle Sam turns towards the genie and says "Fill it with water".

(Note: the above joke does not represent the views of the person who wrote it, or the person who told it. If you find the above joke offensive, please take drastic measures to remove the broomhandle )


The path of the damned is to walk alone for all eternity
/IPhear the Phang!I\
IIII/.......................\IIII
IIII.........................IIII
\II.........................II/
\I
.........................I/
psychomonkey2000
Mortal
posted 07 March 2003 07:01 PM EDT (US)     25 / 210       
would be better with bush and saddam

CARPE DUCTUM!
Before you judge someone try walking a mile in their shoes,
that way if you still don't like them you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.
Random monthly factoid #2: If a monkey bites you, youhave to bite it back or it will assume it is the alpha male
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move."
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