(This is my first scenario EVER so it's a little bit short.) The monkey brother Ape, is still trying to find the golden hippo, and he got a little bit...lost. His brothers Mon and Key are trying to find him and help him before the hippos will kill him. It's short. Very very short. But if you like it, I will make a second part. It has monkeys in it.
||AoM: The Titans
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This was obviously intended to be a cinematic from the start, but the story could have been adapted into actual gameplay. Even putting in a few seconds of playability in the middle of what would otherwise been a cinematic scenario would've added greatly to the entertainment value. Normally, cinematics only stand well as separate releases if they have some really spectacular eyecandy and/or effects.
None of this is a major issue; the main points of improvement are below, but I didn't want to leave a section blank! ^^
You know how to use triggers! I have no idea what to put here, so I'll just reward you for that.
You used groups of triggers, which makes things even better. It really helps to name each individual trigger; otherwise, it's easy to become confused as to what exactly is going on at a specific point. That's not essential, though, especially if you have good short-term memory.
It would've really made things nicer to have had some music in the background. I would have used various icons for each of the monkeys during the cinematic, to help distinguish them, or at least the same icon in each of their dialogues. Icons add a tiny element that really fleshes out your characters.
There were a few funny parts, especially the "we're in deep shit" moment. 8D Also, you really showed some promise with the way you used tiles, rugs, campfires, scorches, and so on! Try to go a little further; the next step would be adding in things like pots and statues. There are lots of statues that fit well with the desert theme, from the Egyptian monuments to the sanded-over Pharaoh and Lion statues. Nature and ruins blend seamlessly in this game.
It's always pretty to see the lighting fade from one state to another, but including more than one lighting in the first place was a plus.
Map Design: 2
At its base, the map design was okay; there were some rocks, reasonable cliffs, and even a tilted tree! Try to avoid steep rectangular elements in nature, like this one: http://img78.imageshack.us/img78/3883/screen172uj9.jpg
That should probably have been smoothed a little more, and cliffs should barely ever be that straight, especially on a small map.
There was a little terrain blending, but the majority of the map was covered in SandC. This isn't as big of a deal with sand, but try to mix it up. Here's an example of large-scale terrain blending:
Red lines separate different kinds of sand. Maybe you can make a big circle of Sand A, then make a big circle of Sand B that overlaps; just experiment until you find something that works for you. Take a look at the desert areas in the original AoM campaign, and how terrain is blended. Also, it helps to use the secondary cliff terrain at the edges of your cliffs (in this case, CliffEgyptianB).
Very nice application of little things like crates and fountains. The main reason you scored a 2 (rather than a 3) in this category was your use of minor objects in nature was a little below the level of a random map. Try to use some sprites next time; maybe some more rocks, some sandstone, some bushes and grass (if you feel comfortable making your desert seem slightly less arid), maybe some sand drifts; anything you can think of, and lots of it. Check out a desert-themed random map like River Nile and pay close attention to little details like grass, bushes and sprites, and try to incorporate them similarly into your scenarios.
Having some random desert wildlife in the background would've livened the area up. I'm not sure if it would compromise your vision to include water, but if you did, you would've opened up tons of ways to make things prettier, like lilies, fish, papyrus, et cetera.
You made use of cinematic blocks, which is very impressive! You'd probably fare better turning off fog and black map with triggers than using a crapload of revealers; not sure if fog and black map played a role in the cinematic at all.
Sandstone blends very well with sand. You can hide the edges of things, like the black edge of the screen at the end, with objects that look similar to the terrain, or even random natural stuff like bushes or grey rocks.
Punctuation was always used, but at least half of the dialogues contained a minor grammatical error, like the use of "have" instead of "has". It's very rare to have this level of grammar in a scenario, though, which is a huge plus.
The story itself was humorous and simplistic, which could be good, but it left us with a random conclusion. Try to give the player something to stick with them next time, a climax building on everything already seen (in this case, probably something really funny).
Wonderful start! You've obviously put some effort into this, which is much more than I can say for some of the scenarios on this site. The best advice I can give anyone regarding the editor is to just go crazy! Sharks can be resized to catfish, Hammers of Thor the blocks of huge buildings. The player will believe anything you can believe yourself.
[Edited on 01/01/09 @ 02:55 AM]