First off, I didn't see the screenshot anywhere on the map. That's just false advertising.
Second, why is there stuff revealed around the map? And why are there triggers that should be fired with distance to unit fired with a timer instead? Like, the woman will tell you about the bear after 82 seconds? What if never enter the city? You can't predict the player like that.
Also, you can use Send Spoofed Chat if you don't want the chat to start with the player name, so you don't have chats like Bandits:Bandits:Attack him!
I recommend chatting the resource you give the player. Like when you kill the bear it's just grant 20 gold. Nobody will notice that.
Let's keep going! The Healing Spring placed in editor is just to look pretty, if you want it to heal, it must be placed by casting the god power.
Large patches of Grass A like those will cause players to use the speed cheat. Make sure every area is worked on, at least a little bit.
At the end the continue your journey message is just slapped on the player! Units continue fighting in the background which means it's possible for the player to die after winning. And here I'm talking about the default victory condition of no units, because there is no defeat condition if the titular protagonist dies. Powerful message, that the world goes on after someone dies no matter how important they are, but in the scope of this scenario, you should maybe kick the player if the protagonist dies.
You should check out the maps of others and see how they did it in the editor. If we were to consider heavy artillery, we can say this is within shooting distance of my first map. Everyone can improve. Keep practicing and you'll get there!